The tale of the tortoise & the hare has always bothered me.  I think that if the rabbit had known the race was the one that was going to be written down and remembered forever, he would have tried harder.  I mean if he had know that this race was the one that would become a legend, he wouldn't have slacked off and let the tortoise win.  It is obvious the race was uniportant to him because if it had been important, he would have just won.  it really was that easy.  The race between the tortoise and the hare isn't even a race, the winner is obvious to all who look at it, there is no trick.  A rabbit is faster, it is made for running, it will win.  If this were a real race, and the tortoise really did win, do you think the hare was bothered or upset by it?  He probably just grinned, what does he care? he knows who is faster, everyone does, the race proves NOTHING.  I think this story is just for slow people to feel better about themselves.

Lets put this race in a new perspective:

Loggers are going to invade the forest and cut it all down.  The King of the Lumberjacks is a betting man, and the animals know this, so they decide to exploit his weakness and offer him a deal.  The fastest logger would race against the fastest animal, and the winner would get to keep the forest.  The King agrees and he goes to his plaid clad minions and asks which of them is the fastest.  They decide to race to see who will represent them, and begin.

Meanwhile, back in the forest, the animals come together to choose their racer.  Unfortunatly, the forest animals had just finished a war with a nearby clan, and all of them were injured except two.  The rabbit who was hiding in his hole, and the turtle who had his shell to protect him.  So the leader of the animals, a Lion says "its between you two, you will race to see who competes against the logger."

The two animals line up, and the king blows his whistle, and *zoom* they are off. At least one of them is. The rabbit flies off into the distance while the turtle hobbles along after him.  The crowd waits at the finish line for an hour.. then two.. finally the turtle appears in their view and they start cheering, the turtle slowly crosses the finish line and wins!" the animals go wild, what an unexpected result! The rabbit comes hopping along and shrugs.. "sorry guys, i fell asleep, i guess the turtle wins and will race against the logger" the crowd cheers again, they are idiots.

The Lion however, isn't an idiot. "quiet you fools" he says. "the rabbit will still be racing against the logger.  It is a good thing i am here to keep you from being stupid"

"But the turtle won! he is the one who should race! the animals have spoken!" the animals cried.

"The rabbit is obviously the best racer!"  The lion roared.

"Revoltion!" the animals cried as they attacked the lion and with overwelming numbers, brought him down.  The frog was declared the new king, and the new king proclaimed the turtle to be the racer.  Everyone cheered, except for the rabbit who said "ah, heck with this" and scampered off to the beach to chill.

The big day came, and the Turtle lined up against the logger.  The King of Loggers shot his gun into the air, and the race began.

The lumberjacks won easily. They moved their machines in, cut down all the trees and killed all the animals, making new boots from their skins..

the end.

Moral of the story: we're all doomed.

 secret link