Pirates or Ninjas?

FALSE

Unicorns trump both

While it is held as a universal truth that both ninjas and pirates are badass, there is absolutely no competition when it comes to both of them vs. one unicorn. Put me in a room full of pirates and ninjas- I am talking an infinite amount of both- and throw one unicorn into the mix and see what happens. Not only would the attention of the bystanders go directly from the pirates and ninjas to the unicorn, but also the ninjas and pirates themselves would be in awe.

Ninjas and Pirates both have to worry about everyday things such as eating, sleeping, and pooping. Unicorns have NO worries. They shit rainbows for crying out loud!  They are magical. Truly magical. They save babies from burning buildings, they bring joy to millions, and when they run - a trail of music follows them.

Just recently a flock of unicorns put an end to world terrorism, and you know what?  Afterwards they didn’t even gloat. They are so humble they take credit for none of the good deeds they do. Pirates and ninjas are self centered and insist upon cred for all of their acts, good or bad.

Unicorns make all of the oversized multicolored lollipops in the world.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE LATELY?