War is hell, and i'll tell you why, its an army of young people who would rather be at home watching movies with their girlfriends then out in the middle of the fucking jungle fighting people who have dedicated their lives to their cause.  Going to vietnam was like jumping into a blender, what were they thinking?

War = people who would be friends otherwise being forced to kill each other to appease the leaders.

Nothing changes, every government shakes out the same, the rich end up on top, doing whatever they want regardless of the constitution or any other initial ideal.  The leaders just serve themselves and the other people with power so they can stay in power and get whatever they want.  There's always lies, theres always corruption, there's always a class system where the rich are on top and the poor are on the bottom and is difficult to go up.  I always heard "anyone can become president" but its not true, look at the people that are in office, they are all children of rich powerful people that are handed the oppurtunities to move forward.. Im not saying you can't work hard and move up and make a better life for yourself, but unless you're a genius, or super lucky, or super talented, you're stuck in just about the same station you were born in.  This is true in every government, communism, "democracy" republics, socialisms, dictatorships, monarchies.  its all the damn same.

ANYWAYS, back to apocalypse now.  This movie rules, theres so much i could tell you but its just an experience worth the effort undertaking.  Its just a mind trip, and a true masterpiece.

Directing: 9/10 (does get much better then this, such beautiful imagery and excelent action scenes, you end up forgetting you're watching a movie, you feel like you're there.  This movie is long though, and slow at some points)
Acting: 9/10 (actors fit their characters perfectly, there's no real flaws here)
Babe Factor: 5/10 (theres some cute chicks performing a USO show for the troops that end up getting naked, but i think thats it)
Nihilism: 8/10 (don't get off the boat!)

On a side note, the characters were inane:
(possible spoiler)

i mean, what the hell? a native american ninja in france fighting an insane beast in the 1700's? What were they smoking? Also, the taxidermist is a ninja too? where did these guys learn how to fight and kill 293048109234 trained warriors without getting hurt?  I know at the taxidermy class in my college, its justa  bunch of weird freaks with knives cutting up roadkill, how this translates into jackie chan style invincibilty is beyond me.
 

final note:
if you see this movie, i suggest doing it under the influence of a hallucinegenic, this movie isn't going to make any sense anyways, and the imagery and psuedo-intellectualism would probably be a worthwhile trip, otherwise.. umm, don't bother.

Directing: 0/10 (i think they told the actors to just do whatever, then filmed 1230123 hours of movie and edited down to 2 and a half hours.
Acting: 2/10 (what the hell is this movie about? why does the indian ninja guy get naked and play with his hair like he is in a shampoo comercial)
Babe Factor: 10/10 (the royalty chick was super cute without being stereotypically so, and the mystic whore was HOT and you see her naked, two thumbs up)
Nihilism: 7 (only because there is an african voodoo biomechanical wolf/tiger hybrid scouraging the countryside and killing people)
Ninja Factor: 3 (even though there were ninja-like characters in this movie, it was either a prettyboy indian or a taxidermist)

this movie also gets a bonus point for casting a lot of ugly people in star roles, ugly heroes = cool.

So yes, all in all, this film was pretty good.

Directing:  10/10 Stanly came up with some pretty cool camera shots, and aslso as the co-writer of the screenplay, wrote some awesome lines. One of my favorites being "Stop this, what are you doing? You can't fight in the war room!"
Acting:  10/10 Peter Sellers played three very excentric characters very well, and as for Sterling Hayden, Peter Bull,  Keenan Wyn,  Slim Pickens, George C. Scott, and Tracy Reed, uh, yeah, they were good too.
Babe Factor:  8/10 Ok, the secritary in this film was really sexy, I mean yeah, she was hot in heels and underwear
Nihilism: No nihilist points for this one, everyone in this film cared about something.
(Editor's note: I am awarding this film 5 bonus nihilism points because a dude rides a fucking nuclear bomb out of an airplane.  how did you miss this hayley?)

this movie is hard to score, but here goes nothing
Directing: 10/10 (its the best)
Acting: 10/10 (couldn't be better)
Babe factor: 1/10 (there was only an old woman in a coma and a fat albino girl..)
Nihilism: 8 (the white trash kids kill cats and sell them to a black guy who sells them to a chinese food restaurante.  thats like giving a finger to everyone)

Directing: 9 (out of a possible 3249234)
Acting: 3 (out of ten)
Babe factor: 1 (the horse was HOT!!!)
Nihilism: 0 (this movie really sucks)
final score: F

I hate this movie, don't watch it.

Directing: 0
Acting: -23
Babe Factor: the one chick is cute, 4
Nihilism: -10 this movie is nihilism that has been twisted and perverted into a psuedo-intellectual killing poison
final score: leave me alone.

Directing: 10/10 (well its animated, but i'll give it 10 anyways)
Voice Acting: 10/10 (i prefer dubbed, and the voices match the characters PERFECTLY)
Babe Factor: 6 (hmm, the naked tattoo girl is kinda ugly, kigaro isnt much of a looker either, but theres some scenes in this for you perverts)
Nihilism Factor: 7 (not that nihilistic, just cool)
Ninja Factor: 9999999999 (you can't beat it)

rewind: Girls, man, what the fuck? I like them, don't get me wrong.  They are cute and sweet sometimes, and they make you cookies, and they are soft and they smell nice, but what the hell is up with their choice of movies?  SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE??? give me a god damn break.  first off all, "the bard" was GAY, if shakespeare was in love, it was with some guy, not gweneth paltrow.  second off, ahhhhh, shoot me.  This movie sucks, i really really really hate it, I mean i can't really get that message out enough.  I know, i know, sometimes you have to "take one for the team" and go see a chick movie to make your little girlfriend happy, but sometimes its just NOT WORTH IT.  I would say this movie could make me swear off women forever, the risks and horror you have to endure is almost enough to say its not worth it.  But then i remember something.  yeah, thats it, you know what im talking about.  yeah.  woo.  women.

Directing: fuck you
Acting: seriously, fuck you
Babe factor: you see gweneth paltrows breast's but shes DRESSED LIKE A MAN WITH A FAKE MUSTACHE.  this movie is for perverts (1/10)
Nihilism Factor: an argument could be made for this, but im not going to make it 0
Ninja Factor: -298431739483712943210951233  no ninjas. in fact, this movie ALMOST made me FORGET about ninjas.

Now onto signs - a riveting fucking movie about a catholic preacher turned farmer (because of the oh so tragic and sudden death of his wife) and his family, and their personal war with intergalactic aliens.  But they don't use cool weapons like lasers and neutron bombs, they use faith, family togetherness, parlor games, a healthy helping of children being cute, and water.

Yes I said water.  These supra-advanced aliens who have mastered intergalactic space travel apparently have not mastered the more subtle art of 'Not immersing oneself in poison'. I've seen squirrels and spiders and all sorts of crazy animals avoid traffic and fire and famine and Plenty of other ways of dying.  You know what - one time I even stood next to a knife, but I consciously decided I would not stick that knife in my forehead.  These aliens were not so wise and decided it was a good idea to raid a planet that is more than 70 percent insta-death to them.  Supposedly these aliens are harvesting humans for one reason or another - humans which are also MADE UP OF MOSTLY WATER.  I don't know about you, but I don't run around trying to capture rattlesnakes and wear them as belts,  I know that poison is bad for me, and I try to avoid it.

Speaking of aliens, what the fuck is up with these aliens?  They are the pinnacles of bad evolution.  They look like elongated ET on crack and they have a POISON SAC that shoots out a FEBREEZE like SQUIRT of poison - wait wait - ITS UNDERNEATH THEIR FOREARMS.  I mean in all the useless evolutionary things - like the third nipple and Canadians, this wrist poison sac mint air freshener takes the cake.  It would be more useful if they squirted out a nice wood varnish and could use their ridiculous looking faces to swab away at my coffee table, now at least that would have a use.  But don't worry about that too much, because the aliens aren't actually in the movie for more than 2 seconds, whereas the eerie THREAT of aliens being around is the real suspenseful junk you'd expect to find in a shitty movie like this.

I can’t talk about more about the plot - because there is none.  Preacher loses faith, finds aliens, loses aliens, finds faith.  Children are annoying, boy kills pet dog, girl is of course psychic, and then there is the guy that played evil emperor in Gladiator, and hes just sort of hanging out.  Arabs save the day, roll credits.  Watch it yourself but make sure you have something else to keep your attention like a spoon or a toothbrush.

I have to follow a certain format for this review.

DIRECTING: 5/10 - There were people in this movie and they may have used facial expressions
ACTING: 3/10 - There was a Culkin in this movie.
BABE FACTOR 1/10 (unless you like em real young, then 6/10) The only "babe" was about 5 years old nonetheless she was a cutie.
NIHLISM: -1/10 - The aliens were only there to "raid" - not nihilistic at all.
IMPORTANT LESSON - If aliens are coming to getchu - remember!  Lock yourself in your basement, because aliens can not open doors - neither can velociraptors - this may save your life one day.

(editors note: i enjoyed this movie but one thing really really bothered me, when those idiots locked themselves in the basement, WHY DIDN'T THEY BRING A WEAPON?  I don't know about you, but the first thing i would do if fucking aliens were invading, is to get a weapon, any weapon.  These guys didn't even bring a hammer.  Those aliens were pretty much pansies, and i think a hatchet or an axe would have been pretty useful if the aliens somehow were able to get into the basement.  I mean, basically they just laid down to die.. come on.)