it is a long road.


<there should be a picture here of a minotaur looking at a butterfly that landed on it's hand, but i haven't drawn it yet.. imagine it being here though, okay?>

sometimes i feel like  nothing.

(i wanted to say this, but while researching,  i found that someone else said it perfectly so...)
"1/0" is a paradox; in a way that "0/1" is not. Nothing can be divided by zero. If one approaches the formula from the positive side, it would appear that the answer is an infinite positive value. If one approaches the formula from the negative side, the opposite is true. Thus, anything divided by zero is simultaneously positive and negative infinity. "One over Zero" is a paradox in another way too, in a way that transcends mere arithmetic. One is something, and Zero is nothing. The fact that the universe holds something over nothing, that it prefers to exist, rather than not exist, is fundamentally absurd. No being can ever come to deserve its own birth. 1/0 is a cry out against mere logic and efficiency.  Stuff exists. All existence, all truth, cannot be ultimately justified: it can only be described, explained, and enjoyed.
1/0 is illogical. 1/0 is irrational. 1/0 is impossible. 1/0 is transcendentally unfair.

sometimes i feel like all my friendships are based on something that isn't there. That the only reason people like me is because of things they misunderstand, and though i haven't lied or misrepresented myself, things they previously thought of me would be revealed as false, and the relationship would crumble.

i look around me, a voice says:
"these are not your friends, they are your enemies, have you forgotten? have you forgotten your job?"
"it is like a dream to me, i can see it but it is so far away, and then it is gone"
"well catch up to it"
"i can't... i don't know where it's gone"
"so sit here."
"then what?"
"nothing, i don't know, tell me what to do."
"it's not my job"
"do you know what i have to do?"
"give me a hint"
"stop begging, you're above it."
"no i'm not, i'm not above anything, i never claimed to be"
"you sure act like it sometimes"
"so? it means nothing"
"you're sure?"
"then what?"
"i don't know, go away"
"okay, bye."
"you there?"
and i am alone.

Other times, it seems i am alone in a deep dark pit, with someone at the top yelling down to me as i keep slide farther and father into the darkness.

"i see things that are so beautiful, so perfect..and i can never be part of them, never feel them for myself." he said, leaning against the wall.
 "relax."she said, "you don't want to be part of perfection."
The minotaur winced.
she signed, and for the first time in the presence of the beast, she became human.
the girl kneeled next to him, and touched his hand.  her skin was smooth and cold to the touch.
"relax" she whispered.
The minotaur's eyes squinted.  The unicorn embraced him.
"I do like you." she whispered. "everything is meaningless. everything is okay.".
The minotaur shifted.  Anxiously.
"you dont have to worry about your own existance" she whispered to him.
she looked into his eyes. "you dont have to feel anything tonight."
"i don't know.." he spoke. "i don't know why i have to be alone."
"don't do that to me," she said, "i can't help you.  You don't need me."
"i don't want you to tell me i'm not alone."
"you are." she replied
"i know." he said.
"i know you know."

hope in hopelessness.
meaning amongst a sea of meaninglessness.
beautiful nothing.

other times, i feel infinite.
GaijinSenshi: there was an earth quake
GaijinSenshi: the weather has been real strange
GaijinSenshi: i always get in an odd moodin weather like this.