Nihilism, infinite sadness, and the last laugh.
By: Eric Drewes
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There was once an ancient race of people that had achieved spiritual enlightenment and utter perfection.  Every single one served it's purpose and was happy in it's place in the ecological machine in it's perfection.  Life for them was perfectly suited, and no one had any quams with their task.  Except one.  Despite the pleedings of the elder's they could not break the rebellious nature of the fiesty fellow, named Edun, and he would never work in his set niche.  He claimed that they would never have what he had, freedom, and for that, he'd always be the winner.  Finally through thousands of years of frusteration, they gave the rebel an ultimatum: take his place and perform his function of society, or face the most horrible torture in the universe.  Edun laughed, and told the elders that no matter what they did he would be the winner because he wouldn't succumb to their will.  So they gave him a sad look, and dragged him fighting tooth and nail to a secret lab.

In the lab, they severed his limbs from his bodies, cut his vocal cords, and delicately sliced off his eye lids.  They then placed him in a small chamber, where they hooked numerous IV's to his twisted and tortured body, as he stared straight forward in terror.  They ran a chemical through him that would make the elements of aging impotent, so that his body would never age.  Then they ran a food and water tube into his body so that he would be sustained barely enough for life.  Their technology allowed them to make this sustenence perpetually regenerating, so it would last for millions of years. As if that was not enough, at random intervals a speaker connected directly to his ear blasted feedback noise, and they calculated exactly how long it would take for him to adapt and cope to the blaring sound, and then it would stop. Then they closed the pod he was strapped in such away that he couldn't move even the slightest, except his eyes, which could look in any direction.  They sadly pushed the pod into a rocket and launched it into space.

For billions of years Edun floated in the infinitness in space.  Around 3 billion years after the launching the sound stopped, and he so wished it back it took him another 3 billion to cope with the stopping of the noise.  He always had a glimmer of hope that a meterorite would hit him and kill him and put him out of his misery, but no luck.  In an infinitly large amount of time, he finally reached a small planet and was heading towards it in a trajectory that was sure that he would burn up in the atmosphere.  No such luck.  His probe crashed powerfully into the ground, somewhere in africa.  It did not make a large explosion, and in fact the only people who noticed it were too small children from a tribe near the crash site.  They saw this poor creature in this metal and glass tube, and they saw it look at him, and screamed and ran.  The tribe brought the fiercest warriors to take the demon casing and get rid of it.  The tribe's elder decided the best idea was to bury it 12 feet deep in the earth in a sacred site.  So they did, and poor Edun was left burried there for two thousand years, where he was acutely aware, time did not slow down for him, he felt every day and night as we do.  He could not sleep.

Then one day light burst through and he saw what appeared to be people.  They quickly got a crew to pull Edun out of the ground.  The people stood around amazed, wondering if it was still alive, which his eye movements revealed that he was.  The doctors and palientologists didn't know what to do with it, and they tried to crack into the casing of the pod, but it was impossible.  So they did what any person would do with something that horrible.  They locked it deep in a wherehouse, for another 500 years.  Then, another team of scientists found poor, sad, Edun.  They began studies on him.  They ran the pod through numerous tests and cat scans, and such, and could never quite figure out what to do with him.  Finally a brilliant young mathmatician came to look at the poor creature in the metal tomb.  He quickly grasped the fundamental basis of it.  Soon the mathmatician was working with Edun to figure a way to communicate.   The mathmatician showed edun morse code, and showed him how he could use his eyes to send messages to each other.  The mathmatician taught Edun the english language, and finally Edun understood.  So he gave a message to the mathmatician.  Do you know what that message said?  Only two people do, the mathmatician, and Edun.  That message was this, "I still win" I will let you guess as to which one of those two I am.